The U.S. divorce rate recently hit a 50-year low, but one particular group is seeing a rise in marital breakdowns, according to a family law attorney in New York.
Dennis R. Vetrano Jr. recently shared a video on TikTok about a “major theme” he’s seeing in the divorce industry — and it involves working parents.
In the now-viral clip, Vetrano Jr. explains that moms in the workforce “are tired” of managing their careers while also handling the bulk of household chores. And let’s not forget the mental load that moms take on.
“She’s got the kids, she’s got the groceries, she’s got the laundry, she’s got the meals, she’s got the work, and by the way, she’s making all the money and she’s paying for the house and doing everything else,” Vetrano Jr says.
“And I am seeing the husbands step back and say, ‘Huh, I don’t gotta do a thing!’” he adds.
According to a 2015 survey by the Working Mother Research Institute, 79% of working mothers say they are responsible for doing the laundry. They are also twice as likely as dads to handle the cooking.
Vetrano Jr. says the leading causes for divorce are finances, infidelity, and addiction. He says another cause — working moms doing it all — has been climbing the list for roughly 10 years.
“Mom is CEO of a company but she’s still scheduling all of the appointments for the family,” Vetrano Jr. tells TODAY.com. “Her free time is spent folding clothes, while her husband gets to do whatever he wants.”
Vetrano Jr., notes that many of his female clients describe themselves as a “married single parent.”
“That’s the core of what I’m seeing,” he says. “I’m seeing it within my industry. I’m seeing it with friends. It’s becoming so pervasive.”
Vetrano Jr.’s TikTok followers can attest to that. Comments on his now-viral post include:
“We get sick of the mental load. Having to give instructions on everything. It’s exhausting.”
“I will never forget the day I said ‘if I’m doing it all by myself, I might as well be by myself.’”
“Weaponized incompetence is a huge issue.”
“I had less work as a single mom of two than as a married mom of two.”
“Life is so much easier after I got divorced. I have more money (just my own), the house is clean, and I have free time. It’s magical.”
Going on 27 years of marriage because my husband is an equal partner. It’s 100/100. No 50/50 BS. We’re in this together!!
Vetrano Jr. laughs when asked if he’s heard from any men thanking him for the wakeup call.
“What I’ve found in almost 24 years of doing this, is that men don’t look in the mirror. They look outward at who they can point a finger at,” he says. “They’d rather lash out and get mad than be introspective.”
That said, Vetrano Jr. is noticing that men are stepping up.
“More dads are coming into my office and saying, ‘Hey, I’ve been doing school drop-off and pickup’ ‘I’ve been making meals,’” Vetrano reveals. “Slowly but surely, I’m starting to see that shift.”